JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
