did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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