Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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