It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I think i peed on brittanys purse
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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