You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
