I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize