I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
