Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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