Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
