Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
His hands were made for my vagina.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
