i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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