If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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