i just had sex bonerless
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
