we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
