You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
