I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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