I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
