I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
