Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
