You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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