She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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