I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
