have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
