It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
