He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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