I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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