I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
