about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
MIDGETS
????
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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