Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
