I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
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No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
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College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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