Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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