im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
