so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
