the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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