Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
