forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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