WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
We had sex on a dog bed..
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
