He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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