I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Randomize
