hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
