yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
