I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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