I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
