this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
