Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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