how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
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