This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
we're chasing vodka with high fives
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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