it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
