Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
