What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
