This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
