I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
