I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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