We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
