my sisters under your porch take her home
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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