hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
