if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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