Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
