I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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