Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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