wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
