I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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