just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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