Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
