Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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