remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
As shirtless as possible
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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