I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
God, I missed his penis.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
