He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
