I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
My balls are so social today.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
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