my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
It's shark week go big or go home
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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