her facebook's as public as her vagina
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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