For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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