Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
