Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
