They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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