I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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