Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
