my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
