I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
