and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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