So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
