the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
