never play flip cup with pint glasses
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
