ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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