If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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