he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
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Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
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Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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