he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
