DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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