You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
