Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
